It’s the things I think about that I appreciate the most. In other words, I had no idea I was such a ‘quality time’ person until reflecting upon it lately. Yet from a pedagogical standpoint it makes sense; students learn more when they invest their own thoughts, and the more time spent on self-invested ideas (free of compulsion), the more real and personal those beliefs become.
Why are some ideas more appealing to others? Why do some topics resonate and require further inquiry when other topics do not stir me up so? Probably for the same reasons that some people are easier to talk to than others… because ideas/ beliefs are like people in the sense I get something from them... some sort of condolence and security. Often I value the thoughts I do because they justify my already values… And yet thinking about things that are not my values slowly change me. It’s subtle really. I almost don’t notice the change except that I hear myself think, say, and act askance to conversations previously held… as in my memories.
How strong are memories? How important are values and convictions previously held? Are they just mile-markers on the journey of life or should they be ‘protected’? Yes we are to continue growing, ‘evolving’ our development into maturity… but when does GROWTH diverge from CHANGE? Are the two the same or in opposition to self-development?
“Wait for the Lord” is a phrase that’s stuck out in my mind this week… probably because I’m so bad at following such a directive. I can understand the messenger in 2 Kings 6:33 who sees the famine around him and says, “This disaster is from the LORD. Why should I wait for the LORD any longer?” Elisha’s responds that the messenger will see God open the floodgates of provision, but that he won’t eat any of it.
SO waiting, is really about faith… Patience in the unseen/ unknown… especially when a person wants to do God’s job and ‘fix’ personal points of contention. Hrm.
Psalm 27:14
Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.
Psalm 37:34
Wait for the LORD and keep his way. He will exalt you to inherit the land; when the wicked are cut off, you will see it.
Psalm 130:5
I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.
Proverbs 20:22
Do not say, "I'll pay you back for this wrong!" Wait for the LORD, and he will deliver you.
Isaiah 8:17
I will wait for the LORD, who is hiding his face from the house of Jacob. I will put my trust in him.
All this to say, I’m thinking about faith… wanting to value it, even if I currently spend more ‘quality time’ thinking about my fears and comfort. The inner voice is there and I don’t mean to deny it, but ultimately the hearts starts to look like economics and sides with where I invest the most.
Defensively I say, “Does God have arms to hold? Can He lead me by the hand through a dark place? Can He speak reassurances in my ear? Does His voice speak out against the crowd for me? Does His ‘touch’ quiet my soul, resting, yet wanting more? Can God make me laugh? Can I have ‘fun’ with Him?” Some statements are of ‘can’ and others of ‘do’ because God’s abilities/ qualities change in my mind depending on emotion… I read what the psalmist writes on some of those questions and KNOW yet my experiences/ heart cries out with disbelief.
But where can I go? “He is jealous for me; loves like a hurricane and I am tree, bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.” Therefore, I do take some small comfort in knowing that the messenger will SEE God’s wonders even if he won’t taste of them…
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